This was sent to me this morning by a friend who enjoys reading the comment tirades posted in response to articles on Boston.com, the Boston Globe's website. To preface the comment conversation, he wrote: "For the most part (as one might expect) people who tend to comment on internet articles are generally bitter, misanthropic, prejudiced, etc. Favorite targets for disdain include 'liberals'; the ACLU; immigrants;'pinky ring union thugs' who take advantage of 'taxpayers'; women; 'Barry' Hussein Obama; etc. (and et al.)"
The inciting article in this case is about the sudden disintegration of seemingly stable marriages: http://www.boston.com/news/
and it led to this incredible internet exchange:
CrystalPhoenix wrote:
Well, I walked away from my wife at age 40.
But no warning?
We went through counseling, twice. My wife had several stints in counseling. There were vicious, nasty fights for the entirety of the marriage. She wasn't interested in intimacy any more five years before I left, and booted me out of the bedroom entirely (I snored more than she liked, you see) three years before.
Indeed, there was another woman by the end. Someone who shared the hobbies that my wife disparaged. Someone who wanted me in her bed. Someone whose idea of interaction wasn't screaming. Someone who genuinely did want children. Someone who didn't feel that poking me awake at 8 AM on the weekends (1st wife was a morning lark, I was an insomniac who liked to sleep in on the weekends) was very fair. Someone who liked camping, diners, down to earth entertainments.
Ten years later, I'm married to that woman, quite happily. Funny thing: she finds my snoring quite comforting.
But no warning?
We went through counseling, twice. My wife had several stints in counseling. There were vicious, nasty fights for the entirety of the marriage. She wasn't interested in intimacy any more five years before I left, and booted me out of the bedroom entirely (I snored more than she liked, you see) three years before.
Indeed, there was another woman by the end. Someone who shared the hobbies that my wife disparaged. Someone who wanted me in her bed. Someone whose idea of interaction wasn't screaming. Someone who genuinely did want children. Someone who didn't feel that poking me awake at 8 AM on the weekends (1st wife was a morning lark, I was an insomniac who liked to sleep in on the weekends) was very fair. Someone who liked camping, diners, down to earth entertainments.
Ten years later, I'm married to that woman, quite happily. Funny thing: she finds my snoring quite comforting.
Kittencat3 wrote:
CrystalPhoenix is my husband, and he's lying.
Why is he lying?
Let's see…
- We engaged in exactly three counseling sessions, during which he refused to yield an inch.
- The "vicious, nasty fights" were over him lying about money (once to the tune of over $4,000), having affairs (one of which gave ME an STD, another of which sent him to California ostensibly on business), and refusal to have sex.
- Far from refusing to have sex, I literally begged him, on hands on knees, for sex, touching and intimacy. He shoved me out of his bed on a vacation because he wanted to watch wrestling.
- Far from refusing to have children, I went on prenatal vitamins, lost thirty pounds, and again, begged him for sex and intimacy. His response: faking impotence, to the point of faking appointments at an endocrinologist and monthly testosterone shots.
- His sleep apnea was so bad I couldn't sleep. And since he wasn't employed, I needed to sleep so I'd keep my job and we could eat. Again, I begged him to go to a doctor so he wouldn't drop dead in his forties, especially since he's an insomniac. His response? Whining about how mean and cruel I was for asking him to get up at 9:00 or 10:00 or 11:00 so we could actually do something on Saturday.
- I enjoyed camping and go myself on the weekends. What I didn't enjoy was the LARP he was in, where his girlfriends treated me like dirt and I had nothing to do.
- I like diners, just the way he does.
- I don't know what he means by "down to earth entertainments," but if he means professional wrestling, *I* was the one who asked him if he wanted to watch with me…after he'd spent weeks playing computer games (one of which included his mistress) and ignoring me completely.
- The only hobby of his that I "disparaged" was the live action roleplaying game where he spent 20 weekends a year pretending to be a wizard while I stayed home. He, on the other hand, called me going to graduate school "meaningless bibble" and told me he'd divorce me if I went on to study for the ministry. I backed off from school to save my marriage, and two years later he left anyway for a woman half his age.
- He was engaged to his second wife before he left me…which he did by taking $11,000 that I'd inherited, the living room furniture, his clothes, his cat, his books, some furniture that had been mine as a child, and leaving me a two page bullet point memo which addressed NONE of the problems he's aired in public. He also threatened to cut off contact with his own mother if she gave me his address or phone number.
The best thing he ever did was leaving me. At least now I don't have to worry that the bills aren't paid, the house won't be seized for back taxes, and the jealous husband of one his girlfriends won't show up with a gun.
Why is he lying?
Let's see…
- We engaged in exactly three counseling sessions, during which he refused to yield an inch.
- The "vicious, nasty fights" were over him lying about money (once to the tune of over $4,000), having affairs (one of which gave ME an STD, another of which sent him to California ostensibly on business), and refusal to have sex.
- Far from refusing to have sex, I literally begged him, on hands on knees, for sex, touching and intimacy. He shoved me out of his bed on a vacation because he wanted to watch wrestling.
- Far from refusing to have children, I went on prenatal vitamins, lost thirty pounds, and again, begged him for sex and intimacy. His response: faking impotence, to the point of faking appointments at an endocrinologist and monthly testosterone shots.
- His sleep apnea was so bad I couldn't sleep. And since he wasn't employed, I needed to sleep so I'd keep my job and we could eat. Again, I begged him to go to a doctor so he wouldn't drop dead in his forties, especially since he's an insomniac. His response? Whining about how mean and cruel I was for asking him to get up at 9:00 or 10:00 or 11:00 so we could actually do something on Saturday.
- I enjoyed camping and go myself on the weekends. What I didn't enjoy was the LARP he was in, where his girlfriends treated me like dirt and I had nothing to do.
- I like diners, just the way he does.
- I don't know what he means by "down to earth entertainments," but if he means professional wrestling, *I* was the one who asked him if he wanted to watch with me…after he'd spent weeks playing computer games (one of which included his mistress) and ignoring me completely.
- The only hobby of his that I "disparaged" was the live action roleplaying game where he spent 20 weekends a year pretending to be a wizard while I stayed home. He, on the other hand, called me going to graduate school "meaningless bibble" and told me he'd divorce me if I went on to study for the ministry. I backed off from school to save my marriage, and two years later he left anyway for a woman half his age.
- He was engaged to his second wife before he left me…which he did by taking $11,000 that I'd inherited, the living room furniture, his clothes, his cat, his books, some furniture that had been mine as a child, and leaving me a two page bullet point memo which addressed NONE of the problems he's aired in public. He also threatened to cut off contact with his own mother if she gave me his address or phone number.
The best thing he ever did was leaving me. At least now I don't have to worry that the bills aren't paid, the house won't be seized for back taxes, and the jealous husband of one his girlfriends won't show up with a gun.
************************************************************************
Wow. Does it get any worse than admitting that you begged for sex from a snoring, philandering wannabe wizard? I think the lesson here is that shared love of diners and pro-wrestling does not a lasting union make.
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