Summer is almost over...

....and I couldn't be happier about it. Not because this was a bad summer, per se, but because (prepare to gasp) I don't really like summer. It might, in fact, be my least favorite season.

Admitting you don't like summer is like saying you hate dogs, a subject I blogged about back in June. From a very early age, we are programmed to look forward to summer. School's out! No more getting up early, no more homework! You can eat hotdogs and watch fireworks! What's not to love?

Well, off the top of my head:

1) It's too fucking hot. And air-conditioning is expensive. There is nothing worse than taking a cool shower and then starting to sweat again before you can even get your clothes on. I enjoy the hot weather for about two weeks -- then I'm over it.

2) The beach is overrated. Unless you look like this :For most of us, donning a bathing suit and being close-to-naked in front of total strangers who may or may not have better bodies is not a fun prospect. Also, I usually get bored after about 2 hours on the beach. I read, I nap, I swim (if I'm not on a beach on the Atlantic where the water is frigid) and then....I'm kind of ready to go back indoors.

3) Everyone who can afford it is out of town on the weekends, making for a stagnant social life. And for those of us who don't use "summer" as a verb and jet off to the Cape/Hamptons/the Vineyard every weekend, there's not much to do except visit the same old bars and drink watery sangria.

4) The Fourth of July is usually disappointing, much like New Year's Eve. You try to make "awesome" plans, but something always falls through -- it rains and the BBQ you planned to attend is canceled, or the roof party with the great view of the fireworks runs out of beer at 8 pm. Something always goes wrong and before you know it, it's July 5th. Happy fucking birthday, America.

5) August is, hands down, the worst month. It's the Sunday of months -- you can't really enjoy it because you're thinking about all the shit you have to get done in September and feeling guilty about all the stuff you were supposed to accomplish with all your free time over the summer. Everyone is depressed and sluggish. No good movies come out in August ("Hey hon, want to see Nanny McPhee Returns tonight?").

I'm not depressed at the end of August, however -- I'm positively elated that fall is almost here. I love fall clothes and colors, I love the cool evenings, and my favorite holiday, Halloween, is right around the corner. August is insufferable, but there's a light at the end of the tunnel, a light signifying salvation from the heat and the exhausting summer expectation to HAVE FUN CONSTANTLY.

I say, bring on September! I'd rather shop for Trapper Keepers than bikinis any day.