Civic responsibility

In case you were curious, I have located the creepiest restroom facility in Boston: the ladies room on the second floor of the Suffolk County Courthouse. It's dark and narrow and you might get shivved on your way to wash your hands.

What was I doing at the Suffolk County Courthouse this morning, you ask? It has nothing to do with my recent penchant for stealing. No, for the first time, I was reporting for JURY DUTY!

Now, most people dread jury duty, but me? I was a little excited. I was summoned a few times when I lived in New York, but because I switched apartments so frequently, I never actually had to serve (every time you switch counties/districts, you're in a different jury selection pool). And the one time I actually still lived in the apartment where the summons was sent, my boss basically demanded that I postpone because apparently, she thought she needed more than the justice system on the week in question.

I think it's weird to want jury duty, so of course, I've been feigning irritation and cracking jokes about what I could do/wear to ensure I wouldn't get selected. Like showing up wearing this:

Nothing says unstable like a seasonally inappropriate Halloween costume.

Secretly, though, I've been looking forward to today ever since I got my summons. So what happened?

For starters, I got up at the ass-crack of dawn, otherwise known as 6:30 a.m. I wanted to give myself an hour to get to the courthouse, where I was due at 8:00 a.m. This was unnecessary since people continued to roll into the courthouse well past 9:00 a.m. Around 9:30, a court officer made a short announcement and then put on a video explaining how jury selection works. This video was made before I was born, I am pretty sure. A white-haired judge thanked us for our service and assured us not to take it personally if we were not picked for a jury. The difference between civil and criminal cases was explained. Some basic details about courtroom proceedings were mentioned, though come over, we all watch Law and Order, we don't need to be told what a "verdict" is.

The video made no mention of jury sequestering, which is another strange fantasy of mine. I've always thought it would be kind of glamorous/exciting/surreal to have to be cut off from the rest of the world. Though I've always wondered: is all T.V. prohibited or just news? I doubt America's Next Top Model would really affect my impartiality.

Anyway, the video ends and the court officer tells us we can take a "break" (a break from what? Sitting?) but we have to be back at 9:50. He emphasizes the importance of coming back on time.

Jump forward to 9:50 -- nothing happens. 10:30 -- no sign of court officer. Good thing we were all so punctual. Finally, at 11:15, some folks are called out of the room, maybe 1/4 of the total people in the room. At 11:45, we are told to go on another "break," until 12:05.

12:05 comes and goes.

Finally, at 12:50, the court officer says that all the other cases on the docket have been settled out of court and we can all go home.

Well, I'm a little underwhelmed. On the bright side, I don't have to show up at 8:00 a.m. again for another 3 years. But it might have been kind of exciting to be "impaneled." Oh well. I fulfilled my civic duty by showing up. And I got some good reading done. And my presence apparently intimidated some defendants into pleading out and saving taxpayers' money. Justice was served...I think.

What Would Kant Say?

Until quite recently, I had never intentionally stolen anything. I never shoplifted lipstick from Walgreens as a rebellious teen, never snagged a piece of candy from a gas station counter. I knew stealing was wrong and I was too much of a goody two-shoes to ever defy that maxim.

A few years ago in NYC, I accidentally stole a Zagat Restaurant Guide from a Duane Reade -- but I'm not counting that because I wasn't aware I had walked out without paying for it until I was on the subway riding home. Now, it has been argued that I should have brought it back or returned to pay for it, but come on. I'm not THAT good of a citizen. I considered it as a token gift from New York, something to make up for the myriad of ways the city ripped me off on a daily basis for the five years that I lived there.

But curiously, in the last few months, I've been riding a small crime wave of my own creation. Don't get excited -- my petty thefts total in value to less than $10. Still....it's an odd trend, an unusual confluence of circumstances that have led me to steal three items.

Theft #1: A bottle of water from McDonald's ($1.00)

Every few months, when I get home late and I'm hungry, I succumb to the siren song of the Golden Arches. It was a few minutes before closing at the McDonald's in Allston, and I ordered an Extra Value meal. For my beverage, I asked for a bottle of water. The woman who took my order gave me the bottle of water right away and then went to tend to the fries. I put the bottle of water into my purse so I'd have less to carry. Moments later, a different employee brought my food and...a second bottle of water. I accepted the second bottle and my food and exited.

What say you, moral public? Keep in mind this was McDonald's, not a mom-and-pop operation.


Theft #2: Iced tea from Chipotle ($1.25)

What is it with me and stealing beverages? Just days after the McDonald's incident, I found myself at Chipotle*, ordering a burrito and asking for a cup for water. They gave me a cup and I headed over to the soda fountain. I mistakenly thought this (see below)
contained water. It did not. It contained iced tea. So instead of asking for a new cup, I drank my free iced tea. An innocent mistake?


Theft #3: A breakfast sandwich from Au Bon Pain in Logan Airport ($3.89)

Ok, this is clearly the most intentional of my crimes.

I stopped in to grab breakfast at ABP before heading through security. I was slightly pressed for time; it was a few days before Christmas, the airport was crowded and my flight was scheduled to board in the next ten minutes. I ordered my sandwich and then headed over to the registers to pay. And no one was manning the registers. A number of employees were doing other things -- making breakfast sandwiches, taking orders, cleaning up the coffee station -- but no one was at the register. I swear, I waited two whole minutes for someone to show up....before making off with my sandwich.

Listen, they were practically asking for me to steal it. I didn't feel like I should have to ask to pay for it. They are supposed to make me pay for it, right? That's their job. I was running late, hungry, and I didn't plan to steal the sandwich when I ordered it. Am I morally in the clear?

Probably not. I think my crime spree is over, though. It would be really embarrassing to get caught.

*In case you're wondering, no, I don't eat at fast food establishments every day. This was just a period of time when I was especially broke and lazy.

Crime doesn't pay

In just a few days, I'll be heading back to Allston. It's been a great six weeks and a good, long summer in general but I'm looking forward to settling back into my school routine. And I have missed my neighborhood and its (admittedly ghetto) charm.

A fellow Allstonian was kind enough to send me a link to today's Allston-Brighton police log. Here are some highlights of all the action I've been missing:

Cormac Mullen, 21, of 16 Dighton St., Brighton, was arrested Aug. 24 for allegedly stealing American flags from the World War II, Vietnam and Korean War memorials in front of the Brighton Police station at 301 Washington St.

When police asked Mullen why he stole the flags, he reportedly said that he was “stupid.” Police arrested Mullen and charged him with larceny.

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Two police officers were sent to the hospital and three individuals were arrested after an Aug. 30 party at 16 Wadsworth St., Allston.

Police responding to neighbors’ complaints about loud noise at 3:53 a.m. reportedly met resistance from the female resident of that address. When police asked her to quiet the partygoers, she reportedly told police “I don’t have to do anything you say. I’m a law student.”

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Police arrested an Allston man Aug. 28 after he assaulted patrons of Allston Food and Spirits with a silver-colored meat cleaver. Mayaner Reyes, 19, of 69 Empire St., had been harassing customers outside the store for most of the evening, according to the store manager.

A store clerk called police shortly after 9 p.m., after Reyes allegedly threatened an Allston woman with his cleaver, saying “Get me some beer, or I’ll kill your ass.”

Police conducting a search for the suspect found Reyes visibly intoxicated in his apartment, his meat cleaver in the kitchen sink. Police arrested Reyes and charged him with assault with a deadly weapon.

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Azine Kouyoumdjian, 53, of 39 Silver Hill Lane, Waltham, was arrested Aug. 30 after allegedly stealing $231 of produce from Shaw’s Market at 370 Western Ave., Brighton. Kouyoumdjian was charged with shoplifting.

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Initial thoughts:

$231 of produce? That's a LOT of produce. I mean, a tomato costs like sixty cents.

It's ironic that a law student would think she didn't actually have to, you know, obey the law.

Do people other than butchers really own meat cleavers?

Man, I can't wait to get home.

Remember McGruff?