Due to the wonders of technology, I am blogging LIVE on the Bolt Bus from NYC to Boston. I can give you all the exciting news and play-by-play action. Things are pretty quiet right now; most folks are sleeping. We're somewhere in Connecticut. It's raining.
Something that's nice though is that I am not sitting next to anyone, despite the fact that the bus is almost full. How did I pull that off? Not quite sure, though I did try to look hostile when people were shuffling on and selecting seats. I have come up with some other sure-fire ways to ensure a comfortable two-seat allocation. You too can take up more space than you need! Anything on the below list should do the trick, if your timing is on (i.e. during boarding).
1. Speak loudly on your cell phone in a phony foreign language.
2. Flip through a hardcore porn mag, preferably one with something extra-kinky on the cover, like Milk Nymphos.
3. Stop bathing three days prior to bus trip.
4. Clip toenails/tweeze chin hairs.
5. Wear any of the following:
a. fake moustache (even better, draw one on with a Sharpie, badly)
b. plastic Dracula fangs
c. eyepatch
d. huge fake clock around your neck like Flavor Flav
6. Bring your pet goldfish on board.
7. Eat a raw onion like it's an apple.
8. Suck thumb.
9. Make this face:
10. Open your laptop so everyone can see your desktop picture of the Twin Towers burning.
11. Sing along with iPod to Bette Midler's "The Rose" and cry uncontrollably.
12. Take pictures of yourself in the bathroom with your new iPhone:
Man, I wish that guy was on my bus. He has mastered the come-hither look, in the bathroom of a moving bus. Impressive.
That's all for now...though tonight I have my first class at the New England Bartending School so that should be exciting to write about in the days to come!
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