Losing my blog virginity

Dear Diary, er, blog,

I finally did it! Here are some reasons why:

1. Everybody's doing it
2. Since I'm allegedly a writer, I need to get more in the habit of writing
3. This blog name was too perfect
4. I'm a funny bitch

I'll do my best to keep things interesting. Luckily, strange shit tends to happen to me: For instance, today I was befriended by a Downtown Parks employee named Lee, who was missing a few of his bottom teeth and told me he was attracted to me spiritually.

Now, to tie in with the virginity theme, here's a fun little exercise I created based on the current ad campaign for Phantom of the Opera. If you live in NYC, you've undoubtedly seen the bus ads with the rose, the mask, and the tagline "Do you remember your first time?" This seems to equate seeing Phantom for the first time with having sexual intercourse. But just how similar are the two experiences?

Evaluate the following quotations that describe EITHER seeing Phantom for the 1st time or having awkward beginner sex:

"I could only see half his face"

"It was so boring, I almost fell asleep"

"My ass went numb"

"My favorite part was when the chandelier fell"

"It lasted for two-and-a-half hours"

"Everyone told me I would like it"

"He came on my tits"


Not as easy as you thought it would be, eh?